What the fuck am I doing? Fine. Here we go.
Being a tester’s not a good job, but you’ll get a $5,000 signing bonus.Prestigious!
One of the gamers is a grown man who refers to himself as Goof. Oh, and there’s a “Nauseous” as well.
“Uncharted 2! YES!” Direct quote.
“Now I got my official PlayStation badge and I’m not letting go of it. Now it totally feels official.” Oh man, I’d be pretty darn jealous if that were a real thing, which it fucking isn’t.
This girl’s name is Luge. Bet there’s a well known story at the Pi Kap house about that one.
“I was hoping people would have accents here!” Who doesn’t love accents? You know what I’m big on? Disguises.
Star’s secret (she’s a pro-gamer) lasts three minutes when Doc recognizes her. Why would they string out a plot line for longer than that when there are so many amazing stories here left to tell?! Also: Is it more amazing that they got a pro gamer or that they found the one living human who could recognize a pro gamer?
Upon looking at the setting for the first challenge (basically a dentist’s chair) Doc is “Ready to change his f***ing shorts, man.” Are you, Doc? Are you?
Hal Sparks looks appropriately embarrassed to be there. It’s really the only dignified thing to do.
Their first challenge is literally a dual picture “Spot the Difference” puzzle. Yes. Yes, like in Highlights.
Doc, who I’m enjoying less by the second, sits in the dentist’s chair and literally asks “What’s the inflight movie?” I’m pretty sure that bringing along Bruce Villanche to write your gags for you is cheating.
…I’m still watching this. No, really.
Nauseous is, I shit you not, unable to grasp the challenge. Until, later, he does.
Fame Girl is so super excited to see Hal Sparks because she wants to tell him that she too loves the 90s and 80s … you know, like on VH1. Ask old Hal how he feels about the 10s so far. I’m gonna go with “Pretty fucking bad.”
I’m getting worried that Barmy is going to be eliminated, because he’s my favorite. Why? Well for one, he actually, he literally looks like this:
Also, he just said “parrots are zygodactyl, two toes forward and two toes backwards” apropos of nothing.
God bless Hal, he’s putting in a good effort, save from accusing Barmy of having “a little bit of Dahmer.”
AND THEY GET RID OF BARMY! AND HE CRIES! YET STILL MANAGES TO SOUND EXACTLY LIKE FREQUENT THIS AMERICAN LIFE CONTRIBUTOR DAVID RAKOFF!
I give “The Tester,” Episode 1 four out of five stars.